Here’s an intriguing thought I’ve been pondering this week: where is my slow switch?!? I must have one, but apparently, it’s not easy to find. I have no doubt that the lane I was in on life’s highway was a passing lane (by default, a fast lane), heading where I didn’t really want to go, but I couldn’t see any exit signs. So I went and went and went, like the Energizer Bunny. Until I just ran out of juice. Today is the 5-month mark since I left my job, and I’m STILL not too good at being fully present at the moment. I like being active, I like learning, I like puzzles and challenges. It seems like I’m still making daily choices between “go” or “stop.” Where is my “coasting” gear?
In a backward way, this week I have tried to coast, with mixed results. On Sunday I took my camper out on her inaugural trip. I came back home for things I forgot (can opener for the baked beans, and charcoal, among others) on Monday. Tuesday (yesterday) I came back for a short conference call for a work assignment I have accepted for next month, and dog food. Now I am home again for a Go To Meeting this afternoon. Tomorrow I will pack up and come home. Unless I extend for a few more days.
I definitely have upgraded my thinking for a smoother ride and greater flexibility in avoiding the potholes or construction zones on this Reimagined Life Highway. ( I have taken time to read 4 books in the past 3 days. One was called “Crones Don’t Whine.”) I am ready to scoot myself back into the flow, only this time I will rely on my personal GPS to get me around. I will take the exits to Reflection and Exploration, and especially to Acceptance. (And the next campground will have a pond or lake or river or something.) I am sure I will sometimes take the Express Lane and sometimes I will take the scenic routes; if I also take a few detours that will be just fine. As much as I am able, I will trust that that is where I need to be. Intellectually, I know that life is full of possibilities and that the world is my oyster, so to speak. Figuring out what I really want to do and how to do it continues to be a challenge, mostly because I want it all!!
Camping is not the same without Kevin, but nothing is the same without Kevin.
Yet it gives me confidence that if I wanted to, I could take off and do some major traveling in her, and I’d be fine. Camping used to be our weekend get-away, our chance to let go of the accumulated stress and spend some time together or with family. Now I don’t have a lifestyle I need to escape, so I’m treating it as a guilty pleasure. Being able to identify my feelings is another huge accomplishment for me, and being grateful is an especially good feeling to have.
What about you? Are you a fast lane, slow lane, highway or byway, kind of person? Do you make time for the scenic overlooks now and then? Or do you need the conditions to be perfect to even begin? I’m learning that reimagining my life is more of a doing thing, trying this and that, and then trying some more. As Max De Pree said, “You cannot become what you want to be by remaining what you are.” I still don’t know what that is exactly, but for me, I’m not waiting to get started finding out.